That Throne is already taken, there’s no need to watch for it. I cannot do all things, be all places, and know all there needs to be known. I NEVER give myself time to just rest in Jesus…įunctionally I became my own and other’s savior…Īnd then I quickly learned that…I am NOT God. I’ve been on both sides of the fence, neither are pleasant. I’m still trying to understand how people can expect another person to “have it all figured out”, without examining the contents within their own mind and heart. And let’s not get started on music…I’m one of those people that would rather have a faithful few, than a enormous hateful crew. I’d often be in class working on other non-school related projects because I felt so burdened with deadlines that I agreed to take on. I used to feel so guilty for saying “no”, or taking time to just be at home…BY MYSELF…doing…NOTHING when my friends/family wanted my attention. ![]() Simply, I forgot who I was in Christ for a while. I feel as if I’ve shortchanged a few key relationships in my life due to catering to other people’s desires, which honestly was my underlying desire to be liked/ fear of rejection. Some people are just bored, lazy, stubborn, etc, and then there are those that ACTUALLY NEED YOU. ![]() After a long grueling process of letting people deal, I realized I cannot, will not, should not try to meet everyone’s expectations. I’ve nearly ruined everything I’ve been hoping for my entire adolescent life by trying to accommodate (please) people’s expectations. And yet, last year I did THAT exact thing. I’ve always told my younger brothers to not give into peer pressure, and to not do anything they know isn’t right or don’t want to do (with some exceptions of course). One of my largest problems is committing too early, and the other is over committing. I’ve needed to learn to say “No.”, and while I’ve lost a few “friends”, I’ve deepened the relationships that I hold dearly. Makes me question my worth and how easy it is to make judgements of someone’s character, for better or worse. In the light of these 20-something years, I’ve never tasted reality more than I have in the past 18 months. ![]() It’s a hard pill too grasp when in the light of an AMAZING God. To some degree I want to share my life with everyone, however after a few run-ins with misfortune my hope that all of humanity is altruistic crashed and burned. To quote a popular artist “I know way too many people here, right now, that I didn’t know last year…”, and all of them believe that they’re entitled to a piece of me. I’d like to believe that as maturity ensues I will hope more than I have assumed. Naivety more so based of assumption, whereas Hope is based off of assurance. I say naivety and not hope, because sometimes I follow blindly. There’s still a little bit of naivety, as I am bent to try to see God’s hand in every situation. If something looks good, it obviously must be good. When I was a child, I always believed that image is everything. Last year taught me that “Facing your fears builds character.” I come into contact with so many people that believe they will find joy in everything else but God, and sadly they know they never will, yet still continue to search elsewhere but in Christ. I’ve never been one to indulge in escapism although it has crossed my mind more than a few times. ![]() I am joyful to see the past die a slow death, and this new day emerge. He’s sifted through a lot of bitterness and insecurities that have been corroding in my heart for over a decade. I can say without a shadow of doubt, that God has stuck with me for the darkest period I’ve ever experienced thus far. It’s not that I don’t believe, I’ve just had my doubts on whether things always turn out for “the good”. I’ve often underestimated the power of God’s love to reconcile and restore because I known and have seen so much brokenness. God has brought me through some insane situations over the past year that I never thought I’d get through, but here I am, scarred, but not scared. It’s been a little over a year since I’ve began this journey called “adulthood”, and it’s been a crash course in everything I thought I missed out on. What you may not know is that I’ve been plotting to move seeing that I’ve accumulated a lot of…things. If you’ve been in contact with me over the last month, you’ll know that I’ve been extremely swamped with engagements, work, school, recording, the whole nine. Today was an amazing beginning to the new year.
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